ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
