what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
