I didn't shave. On purpose
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
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