I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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