Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I smell stomach acid.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
