Me too!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
