good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
