Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.