RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.