mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
