Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something