You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
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His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
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Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.