I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
