Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
this boner is exhausting
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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