so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
smell my finger.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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