If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
