I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
