i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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