Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
