why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
