if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
