I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
