well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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