I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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