I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
