we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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