Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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