i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
