The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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