I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
