I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
