Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
