I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
