how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
