So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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