You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
