I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
