dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
