I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
