Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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