i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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