By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
