Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
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Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
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Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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