i just had sex bonerless
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Your cock deserves a montage
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext me about skeletons
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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