um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
