you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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