final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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