Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
