I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
