did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize