I am spending my child support on dildos
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
