Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
