It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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