ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
