Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
