There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
