Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
