yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
