I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Randomize
