I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
