the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
