butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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