Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
