I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
