I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
