I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
