yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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