this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
