If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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