i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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