Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
