I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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