She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
