she was so not down for the gang bang
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
