Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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