Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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