I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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